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ARTICLES AND ESSAYS

A man was made to find a cave with a bear in it,

drive out that bear, and take over that cave.

And a woman was made to find security

in the love of that strong man.

In their new book, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul, John and Stasi Eldredge have written some encouraging words to women: “As women we desire to possess beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. As little girls, we dream of being Cinderella whose life is changed by a Prince sweeping us off our feet. Our Prince is none other than Christ. We are chosen and dearly loved by God.”

“Whatever your particular calling, you are meant to grace the world with your dance, to follow the lead of Jesus wherever he leads you. He will lead you first into himself; and then, with him, he will lead you into the world that he loves and needs you to love. Jesus is extending his hand to you. He is inviting you to dance with him. He asks, “May I have this dance . . . every day of your life?” His gaze is fixed on you. He is captivated by your beauty. He is smiling. He is standing. He will lead. He waits for your response.”

When I read those words, I cried, for all I ever heard from my family of origin and church was that women were second-class citizens and their place in life was to submit in order to be loved. As a young girl the idea of submission was very confusing to me. Even though my mother was submissive, my father would beat her severely. And when she stood up for herself, it was even worse, for in those days there was no protection for battered women.

My first memory when I was very small was twirling around in my dress on the floor register enjoying being a little girl. But my innocence was soon shattered by the reality of my home life.

A little girl growing up needs to feel her father’s love in order to later receive her husband's love. I wasn’t sure of my father’s love, but somehow I knew that God loved me, so I told him that he was my real Father. Because God gave me the gift of understanding who I was in Christ, I was able to forgive my father and to have a sense of security in the midst of a chaotic home.

As a junior in high school, I asked God to give me a husband who would help me grow into the godly woman that he wanted me to be. After I was married for a few years, I told God that He didn’t need to do such a good job of answering that prayer of so long ago because it hurts to grow, doesn’t it? But I am thankful that he continues to conform me into the image of Christ. I am most grateful for his grace in my life and marriage.

The premise of the book, Sacred Marriage, by Gary Thomas, is that the design of marriage is not so much to make us happy as it is to make us holy. That is a novel concept in the age of selfishness. But as we make the changes necessary to love and respect our husbands, we will more deeply love our Lord. In that sense, marriage is intended as a spiritual discipline.

The words of the Apostle for women in Ephesians, chapter five, are based on the woman’s greatest need, the need for security. And he carefully cradles his exhortations within the image of the profound mystery of Christ and his church. The church is viewed as female, the Bride of Christ. Dan Allender says, “Our marriages are the testing ground for God to win us to himself. Our marriages are basic training for the one marriage that will not disappoint.” Paul prefaces his instructions with, “Be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.” It is only in that context that submission is properly understood.

This passage isn’t about waiting for your knight in shining armor to rescue you; it is about knowing God. It is on our journey to knowing Jesus that we find true security, by, in the words of Oswald Chambers, “brooding on the tragedy of Calvary and the meaning of Redemption.”

I have a friend who recently wrote me of her struggles in life. She said, “My idealistic nature would like to think that there are some things that are truly pure sweetness, and that very hope is the source of much of my life's disillusionment … When I was a teenager, I thought if I could just get into a Christian college, my awkward social graces wouldn't matter because being with committed Christians would be pure sweetness … Then I corrected my sites and decided that to be on the mission field would mean my life's trials would be over, because surely working in the church would be pure sweetness … I thought that coming back to the states would mean the end of loneliness and of disappointment in others. Not so! I also thought that once I found my soul mate, my troubles would be over.” She was disappointed at every turn, and has come to accept that there is nothing in this world, apart from Christ, that can satisfy. And she has concluded that because she yearns for the perfect, that yearning must be from God.

It is as I submit to Christ in the context of my marriage that I discover who I am in Christ, and I find freedom and security in being the woman God made me to be. And so I thank God for my husband who is teaching me to know more about God’s love through his strong love for me.

Written by: Jonathan Edwards